Saturday, November 28, 2009

What’s my age again?

Well, probably when I would read this blog after 5 years, I would probably feel vindicated. For the starters let me get go on record and say “Being 25 & single is not a crime”. Off late most conversations with the people of this age group revolves around how badly their job sucks or how badly they want someone to suck on to them!!

On one of the binge drinking session that we had the topic of what is the best way to cope with quarter life crisis and the only solution in sight was to have someone from the opposite gender by your side and the suggestion were unanimously made by all those who are still single! I would completely endorse that yes it’s good to have found someone with whom you can connect, relate and really open upto and save money on visiting a shrink. But just because you are single does not mean that you have to go out with the next person you see on the road, because you are heading into the wrong side of 20’s.

Am currently in the phase wherein I strongly believe that one fine day a girl is just gonna fall into ma arms without any hassles. No seriously! Why is this not a possibility? Is it not too much of a pain to first of all make loads of small talk such that you earn a ticket for next meet. All the time only thing on your mind is damn, let me be careful with the words I choose gotta impress her/him. You are probably going to be in your 5-6 date when you realise that, nopes it’s not going to work out, there you are again inviting friends for another session with the Old Monk. I should really stop paying at such gathering.

So here are certain stages of “Relationship” (based on inputs for the fairer sex):

Phase 1: Hunk!

“A girl makes first impression based on aura you carry” [Well don’t really blame the girls out here, it’s really a big ask for them to judge the size of wiggly through the trousers] Suit up Bro!

Phase 2: Sweet!

“If a girls likes someone she will give the guy hints!!” [Yea girls, if the guys really understood that don’t think there would have been so many broken hearts] Well no one really explained what exactly those hints are, but apparently it’s true!

Phase 3: Fear!

“Don’t tell ma girl that I drank” [Well really, do you really think lying is the answer...How long will it sustain, why is it so difficult to clear the air? Coz the girls can’t stand the truth or the lie] Headed only one way...spiralling down!

Phase 4: Reason!

“There can be a boy friend and also a good friend...who happens to be a boy” [The most clichéd of all statements, it’s never acceptable to a girl that a guy speaks about his girl and friend who happens to be a girl in a single statement. So how can a girl expect that a guy should accept it...Then again who said life is fair] Geez.. Pick one!

Phase 5: Introspection!

“Was never meant to be.. All men are dogs” [Raj palace, Friday evening?]

Well in SDLC terms, the entire relationship process works on a spiral model. You keep going in circles unless the realization happens and requirements are met.

Yepp, so on that note am happy to be single also ready to mingle! Age is not the criterion for getting into a relationship.


P.S.: Ok, my approach is not really gonna work!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Creatures at Work!!

It’s been approximately a year and half since I have started working. When you are a fresh pass-out and join a company with more than 1.3L employees it’s scary. I remember my first day walking in all suited up with halo of confidence around me and everything came shattering down the moment I saw these bald scalps just popping out from the top of the cubicles...


Ya so coming back… 1.3L employees means you are gonna have people of all categories around you and listed below are some of those categories:


1. Mr. Riddler:

These are the type of people who can’t have silence around them; they always have to break it by asking some question. picture this the dude walks up to your desk you look at him give him a customary smile and continue to peep into your desktop hoping that the next link you click is not blocked by websense… now the dude will start so you are an MBA naa… you would look at him and say "yes"... Heard yours is a good college… You reply trying to be modest "well yea but there are better colleges also"... then the awkward silence… broken again… what’s the fees?... reply: around 6-7L... well that is too much and that’s why I don’t want to do MBA...

The best thing being he will never question anything on Work it would always be on useless topics!!

2. Mr. Know All:

This kind of creature would most probably be an MBA.. Just because he has attended more GD than anyone else thanks to numerous attempts to get placed he would have an opinion on every damn topic. But the worst quality being at end of any catastrophe instead of helping he would reply "I knew, this was gonna happen... this was all wrong… it should have been this way" all you wanna say to that guy at that moment is dude shut the f*** up!!!

3. Mr. Superlative:

Ok since a couple of guys from workplace follow this blog let me give out a statutory warning: It’s not directed at any particular person… any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental....

This is the kind that makes you laugh... Everything with them has to be at the highest order... If you are discussing a tragic story.. the dude would say "Ye toh kuch nahi... mere saat ek baar naa..." and continue to rant about how badly his life sucks... on the other hand if you are discussing a happy event he would again start by saying "Ye toh kuch bhi nahi... ek baar naa...." so it’s like if you say you leave home at 8:00 to get office this dude has to say I leave at 7:55

Scenario 2: I went out with a couple of girls... ooh I went out with 6!!!... You say but the party sucked!!... Superlative dude say......"People were discussing saas bahu serials... could it be any bad"... Dude how about your company was bad and hence they had nothing else to do, to kill time!!! (Peace gandaa bhai)...

4. Mr. Always Right!!:

The most irritating kind... more or less gonna be your boss... There is no scope of having a dialog... it is gonna be a one way sermon... no debates only orders... But it’s an entertainment to watch when you have Mr. Know all and Mr Always right discussing (yelling)... Sparks are bound to fly...

5. Mr./Ms. Friendly:

Mr. Friendly would be the dude whose only job in the day would be to visit 10 different cubicles, once before lunch and once after lunch... This is the dude who is gonna have the most of the gossip... and since he has been so courteous towards you it would be in your agenda to meet him at his desk (if he is not on his round that is) while you go to the wending machine or loo... Can be one of the most resourceful people in office

Ms. Friendly... Well she is the one who would like to be a part of the all males club just to show the pretty women that she’s got the oomph.... Well the guys will just about accept any girl considering the male to female ratio...

6. Ms. Snob:

This would have to be the high expectations... career oriented woman... All she would be interested in is how to I become a better manager... and it would come naturally to her... would be a master in exploiting her feminine attributes... most of her chores would be done by unsuspecting IT nerds who would probably have only never sat beside a girl for 8 hours in a day...

7. Mr. Cool

Well I guess this is where I fit in :D… the one who thinks he does not belong to any of the above groups and is cool enough to write a blog on how he has to put up with some seriously un-cool shit everyday!!!

8. Pissing...

Aaah don’t know how to classify them... but these are the kind of dude who have to first unbuckle their belts then unbutton their trouser and then finally unzip it… All this just to pee!!!

I wonder what the hell they have at their crouch region, that they are forced to unbutton the trouser to pee... Aren’t their zippers big enough??!!


Well in case you feel if there are any more such creatures... do reply!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Who would you like to be?

What are the things that people generally dig?

Occupationally:

1. College Student: Damn! Am too obsessed with college... There is nothing more satisfying than being a college student... Nothing is too complex... Lead a simple life... Go to college; meet up friends... spice up your life with idiosyncrasies of friends... It does not matter what the world thinks of it as long as your friends love it!


2. A Writer: There is something about the life of a writer that people simply adore... You get loads of opportunity to give "Gyan"... You actually get paid to speak your mind out!! This is a complete opposite to my current line of work where you are paid to speak what your boss says!!

Gender based:

1. A Woman: Don’t get me wrong... But there is something about being a girl that fascinates every guy... any detail however inane gets a lot of publicity!!! How else does one explain the list of "Can I be your friend" requests that girls get!!


2. Be a woman who smokes: I guess most guy would disagree on face of it... But it is something about a woman who smokes that guys completely fall for... Its like being way too cool for guys... And if you couple it with a woman who is not afraid to use man words in public and for icing says that she might be bisexual!! uff... A dream come true for every guy’s fantasy!!

Skill based:

1. A Public speaker: Again more like a writer but simply more flamboyant and impromptu... Its people who have this skill that can leave an excellent first impression on you... And that is enough for you to carry that image of his for the rest of your life!!

Appearance

Can’t really comment on this, but based on my limited fashion taste... It is relatively safe for a guy to be a metro sexual... I wonder what happened to the age old style of the moustache and the beard!! Whereas for a woman... well just be a woman... that is enough for a guy!!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Uptown Hangouts

It’s been long since the last post... Well nothing much has changed apart from the weather... Mumbai continues to get flooded... Job still sucks... The feeling of stagnation continues to haunt... now that nothing has changed its difficult to write about the same old stuff...

But there are certain things that have changed... like friends willing to pay after dinner... There used to be a time when the Rs. 5 Paratha and the Rs 2 Paise 50 cutting chai was beyond reach... Today a Rs. 1000 bill is paid off without a blink of an eye... In college we used to always wonder if ever we are gonna visit these pubs of south Mumbai... Recently we did visit some of them and this blog would be my take of uptown "Hangout" places of Mumbai...


Cafe Mondegar:
This was the first "Uptown" place that we went to... Neat place... loud music coupled with a lot of chattering noise... Nice place to look at chics... Food is also decent.... Recommended items Pitcher with beef chilly and some French fries...I remember the first time... Amazing fun... There were 6 of us the seat just next to the entrance and we just could not get our eyes of the firangi chics in spaghetti tops!!! The key is to gulp some beer and head out to Mhmd. Ali streets Cafe Noor Mohammadi for some Sanju Baba chicken and Roti... This place is also memorable as was quite high and was Jaywalking for the first time and twisted my ankle badly!! Damn those dividers....

Hard Rock Cafe:
HRC had always been a dream place to visit and to be honest was quiet disappointed with it. The music was not great and no pictures!!! WTF.... Anyways key is to reach before 7:30 [Happy Hour] timings and order buckets. The key is to order them at one instance coz they don’t allow you to order the same item till the previous one is finished as its considered "Stocking" once again WTF... And a word of caution anyone who tell you HRC is near from Lower Parel is kidding and yes its not a walking distance. This was again a memorable place as we got Sandeep drink at HRC. In food don’t ya ever order Onion Rings at HRC... it’s horrible... Instead the chicken is good...

Well these are the two places that we have visited and the next target is "Not Just Jazz by the Bay" till then....

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Myth vs. Facts

These are some of the question for which I really need answers....

  • Is it true that you cannot end up with your first crush?
  • Is it true that everyone ends up hating their first job?
  • Do all chemist shops have sanitary napkins on display under the counter?
  • Is it true that for women size is not a criterion?
  • Do all Gay men prefer tight Tees?
  • Is it true that a man can never be satisfied by a single woman?
  • Is it true that life always makes sense?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Being the Cool Dude!

For most part of my life I have tried to follow a traditional path, I am a south Indian who loves Math's studied Information Technology and works for an Technology Company, could it get any more clichéd. Well after being a follower for most part of my life, I have finally taken a stance to do things differently so that I can be that cool guy.

I along with one of my friends had come up with a scale to measure coolness: According to this scale a person has to rate on 5 parameters each with I point and depending on your final cumulative score you can ascertain you coolness quotient.

1. Books (Novels):
The books that you should have red must be of varied genre. You should have read a minimum of 20 books by unique authors. It works better if you have a collection of dog eared paged books.

2. English Movies:
This one comes naturally to me. You should have watched most of the crappy movies shown on HBO and Star Movies apart from that you should have seen some cult movies which is mandatory to show off. Also you should know list of movies which were nominated and won the Oscars. Also having watched shows like Happy Days, Cheers and Coupling will earn you brownie points.

3. Rock Music:
Preferably you should listen to retro ala Beetles, Jim Morrison and should have the biographies of these people memorized. Utterance of bands like Boy zone and Back street boys should evoke the response ?Gay?.

4. GK:
This helps in starting and sustaining a conversation. You should be highly opinionated about everything under the sun and should be able to agree/disagree with conviction.

5. Formula 1:
This is necessary for the guys to look upto you. If you can list the race locations in the order they are conducted and couple them with jargons like throttle, nose, and wing it?s going to be killer!

I think someone should come up with a book on ?How to be a cool Dude in 21 days? It should cover a gist of the above areas as in provide synopsis of select 15-20 books, story line of the movies with some interesting facts, lyrics of songs etc. Best seller in the self motivation section!

Feel free to post any more criteria which you think defines/measures coolness.