What’s my age again?

Well, probably when I would read this blog after 5 years, I would probably feel vindicated. For the starters let me get go on record and say “Being 25 & single is not a crime”. Off late most conversations with the people of this age group revolves around how badly their job sucks or how badly they want someone to suck on to them!!

On one of the binge drinking session that we had the topic of what is the best way to cope with quarter life crisis and the only solution in sight was to have someone from the opposite gender by your side and the suggestion were unanimously made by all those who are still single! I would completely endorse that yes it’s good to have found someone with whom you can connect, relate and really open upto and save money on visiting a shrink. But just because you are single does not mean that you have to go out with the next person you see on the road, because you are heading into the wrong side of 20’s.

Am currently in the phase wherein I strongly believe that one fine day a girl is just gonna fall into ma arms without any hassles. No seriously! Why is this not a possibility? Is it not too much of a pain to first of all make loads of small talk such that you earn a ticket for next meet. All the time only thing on your mind is damn, let me be careful with the words I choose gotta impress her/him. You are probably going to be in your 5-6 date when you realise that, nopes it’s not going to work out, there you are again inviting friends for another session with the Old Monk. I should really stop paying at such gathering.

So here are certain stages of “Relationship” (based on inputs for the fairer sex):

Phase 1: Hunk!

“A girl makes first impression based on aura you carry” [Well don’t really blame the girls out here, it’s really a big ask for them to judge the size of wiggly through the trousers] Suit up Bro!

Phase 2: Sweet!

“If a girls likes someone she will give the guy hints!!” [Yea girls, if the guys really understood that don’t think there would have been so many broken hearts] Well no one really explained what exactly those hints are, but apparently it’s true!

Phase 3: Fear!

“Don’t tell ma girl that I drank” [Well really, do you really think lying is the answer...How long will it sustain, why is it so difficult to clear the air? Coz the girls can’t stand the truth or the lie] Headed only one way...spiralling down!

Phase 4: Reason!

“There can be a boy friend and also a good friend...who happens to be a boy” [The most clichéd of all statements, it’s never acceptable to a girl that a guy speaks about his girl and friend who happens to be a girl in a single statement. So how can a girl expect that a guy should accept it...Then again who said life is fair] Geez.. Pick one!

Phase 5: Introspection!

“Was never meant to be.. All men are dogs” [Raj palace, Friday evening?]

Well in SDLC terms, the entire relationship process works on a spiral model. You keep going in circles unless the realization happens and requirements are met.

Yepp, so on that note am happy to be single also ready to mingle! Age is not the criterion for getting into a relationship.

P.S.: Ok, my approach is not really gonna work!

Creatures at Work!!

It’s been approximately a year and half since I have started working. When you are a fresh pass-out and join a company with more than 1.3L employees it’s scary. I remember my first day walking in all suited up with halo of confidence around me and everything came shattering down the moment I saw these bald scalps just popping out from the top of the cubicles...

Ya so coming back… 1.3L employees means you are gonna have people of all categories around you and listed below are some of those categories:

1. Mr. Riddler:

These are the type of people who can’t have silence around them; they always have to break it by asking some question. picture this the dude walks up to your desk you look at him give him a customary smile and continue to peep into your desktop hoping that the next link you click is not blocked by websense… now the dude will start so you are an MBA naa… you would look at him and say "yes"... Heard yours is a good college… You reply trying to be modest "well yea but there are better colleges also"... then the awkward silence… broken again… what’s the fees?... reply: around 6-7L... well that is too much and that’s why I don’t want to do MBA...

The best thing being he will never question anything on Work it would always be on useless topics!!

2. Mr. Know All:

This kind of creature would most probably be an MBA.. Just because he has attended more GD than anyone else thanks to numerous attempts to get placed he would have an opinion on every damn topic. But the worst quality being at end of any catastrophe instead of helping he would reply "I knew, this was gonna happen... this was all wrong… it should have been this way" all you wanna say to that guy at that moment is dude shut the f*** up!!!

3. Mr. Superlative:

Ok since a couple of guys from workplace follow this blog let me give out a statutory warning: It’s not directed at any particular person… any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental....

This is the kind that makes you laugh... Everything with them has to be at the highest order... If you are discussing a tragic story.. the dude would say "Ye toh kuch nahi... mere saat ek baar naa..." and continue to rant about how badly his life sucks... on the other hand if you are discussing a happy event he would again start by saying "Ye toh kuch bhi nahi... ek baar naa...." so it’s like if you say you leave home at 8:00 to get office this dude has to say I leave at 7:55

Scenario 2: I went out with a couple of girls... ooh I went out with 6!!!... You say but the party sucked!!... Superlative dude say......"People were discussing saas bahu serials... could it be any bad"... Dude how about your company was bad and hence they had nothing else to do, to kill time!!! (Peace gandaa bhai)...

4. Mr. Always Right!!:

The most irritating kind... more or less gonna be your boss... There is no scope of having a dialog... it is gonna be a one way sermon... no debates only orders... But it’s an entertainment to watch when you have Mr. Know all and Mr Always right discussing (yelling)... Sparks are bound to fly...

5. Mr./Ms. Friendly:

Mr. Friendly would be the dude whose only job in the day would be to visit 10 different cubicles, once before lunch and once after lunch... This is the dude who is gonna have the most of the gossip... and since he has been so courteous towards you it would be in your agenda to meet him at his desk (if he is not on his round that is) while you go to the wending machine or loo... Can be one of the most resourceful people in office

Ms. Friendly... Well she is the one who would like to be a part of the all males club just to show the pretty women that she’s got the oomph.... Well the guys will just about accept any girl considering the male to female ratio...

6. Ms. Snob:

This would have to be the high expectations... career oriented woman... All she would be interested in is how to I become a better manager... and it would come naturally to her... would be a master in exploiting her feminine attributes... most of her chores would be done by unsuspecting IT nerds who would probably have only never sat beside a girl for 8 hours in a day...

7. Mr. Cool

Well I guess this is where I fit in :D… the one who thinks he does not belong to any of the above groups and is cool enough to write a blog on how he has to put up with some seriously un-cool shit everyday!!!

8. Pissing...

Aaah don’t know how to classify them... but these are the kind of dude who have to first unbuckle their belts then unbutton their trouser and then finally unzip it… All this just to pee!!!

I wonder what the hell they have at their crouch region, that they are forced to unbutton the trouser to pee... Aren’t their zippers big enough??!!

Well in case you feel if there are any more such creatures... do reply!!